so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
