So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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