i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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