I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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