do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
