Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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