Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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