so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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