did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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