Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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