Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
