I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
