lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
