I think my vagina is haunted
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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