I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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