Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
