Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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