Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
