I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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