3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
