help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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