I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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