I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
