tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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