shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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