youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
