Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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