You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
