Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
