I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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