my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
God, I missed his penis.
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