Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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