its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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