I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
