You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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