just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
