So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
