is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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