you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
