Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
