Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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