I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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