we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
