i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
