Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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