i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
