It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it was like eating out sand paper
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
