Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
