guys are not supposed to queef...right?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
