I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
