At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
