I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
