Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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