..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
