ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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