Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
