I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
