Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
