just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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