Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
