He kissed a someone with a penis
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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