New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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