I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
