U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
