If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
