Already got asked if we're dating
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
