Porn is love you can see.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize