Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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