I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
