I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
