I think my fart just growled at me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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