Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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