last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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