I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
