My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
