I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
