I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
