We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
