For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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